if anyone walks in now. points their finger at me.
and shouts 'cry!'.
i just might.

i don't know why. i just seem very prone to do that often.
and really. i don't understand why i feel like doing just that now.

i had a perfectly good day in school. it was uneventful.
chem was actually interesting.
you don't know how happy i was when i entered the house.
and i have tons of work. but i know i'm not going to do any.
i can squeeze work into the breaks between blocks.

and i realise. i might just have lost interest in doing well.
i just want to pass. i've got a good chance of doing that.
yeah. i might honestly feel disappointed without a 70.
but within seconds. i'm fine. composed. not giving a damn.
and.
i am seriously losing the urge to even try and find out others' marks.
let's not crap. we all want to know.
i used to.
i still do. in short, brief spasms.

yeah. i'm getting apathetic.
what's the point in all of this.
the work.
the pointlessness.
the gloomy weather.
the crappy canteen food.
routine.

instead. it is just so easy. to spend hours on end.
dreaming abt some distant place.

but if you ask me what i really want.
i don't have an answer.
i'm just totally messed up in the head now.

seriously thinking about it. i'm damn fortunate.
but right now. i just feel. freaked.

i shall soon go back to my surfing about chelsea.
or. short crash courses in german.
or. maybe i should just stone.
or. watch the recorded project runway!

ok.
this is all damn incoherent.
i know. that i can be slightly stable if i try.
seriously. i'm 16. i really don't have that many problems.
wth.
if it rains again. i could seriously cry.